Legacy vs. Future

I'm in the process of reading Sacred Therapy by Estelle Frankel, and her story of divorce struck me, perhaps too profoundly, as another story of a women's choice to leave her partner. I am becoming profoundly triggered by these stories, and the lack of regard that these women show to their former partners. Perhaps it's the lack of responsibility that I see them take for their choices. Often these 'changes' are viewed as a rebirthing for the woman, a reformation of their lives. Does this qualify dismissing the past which created this rebirth?

My mind goes several places with this notion. Firstly, to Frank Herbert's Dune. "Every revolution carries within it the seeds of it's own destruction." The choice to break a family is much like overthrowing a government, and often takes a 'ends justify means' approach. What does this say of the quality of the revolutionaries though? If the idea is to free from tyranny, then should not the method be free from tyranny? It strikes me as undirected change, no more.

Yet that is one avenue of exploration. One that both my wounded ego and my sense of justice are quite fond of, but just one nonetheless. Another avenue is to look at my own hypocracy in stating that our origins should be respected and considered. What births us helps to define us.

I am not a person who respects tradition for it's own sake. I do not believe that doing something because it's been done is a legitimate reason to continue doing it. Yet is not tradition a respect for where we come from? Does it not pay homage to what allows us to stand today, as the people we are? A recognition of our fore-bearers who's efforts allowed us to make the choices we do today? I criticize these women for lacking this recognition, yet I do not recognize it myself? This is hypocracy at it's finest and I am it's purveyor.

As I continued my reading, the focus of the book was on how to deal with traumatic 'heart breaking' experiences. My mind goes towards the question of the difference between the woman and the man in the aforementioned situations. Frankel, as do many other women, speak as if their decisions were not under their control, yet they were the initiators of the heartbreaking circumstances. When speaking of the unfairness that the world inflicts on oneself, is it appropriate to include damages that are self-inflicted? Is the process of healing the same for when you plunge the dagger into yourself instead of when the dagger is plunged into you from someone else?

One aspect of Judaism, learned from class, that I really connected with was the idea of days where harms should be rectified, through actions and not just words. Coming from my situation it easy for me to say that, and to wish for that, yet the authenticity from which that desire stems from is tainted by my experiences and wish for justice. I cannot say with an unbiased mind that I would truly want that kind of world.

Yet I do live that kind of world, for what that kind of world depicts is a world where thought and action are one. If you feel bad for something then you fix it, or make amends. One of my most extolled virtues is how purely myself I live. It's not just about saying the words, I live the words. I am the words. If I speak of my regrets and failures, I work to fix them and the harm they've done.

*sigh*

But I guess the real question is, like Jesus, how do I turn the other cheek in my soul?

- Jason