Welcome to the 'real world', where self-interest dominates. This makes sense as we are in an independent idealizing culture. Community is not recognized, empathy is pushed away, external responsibility is shunned. In contrast to tribal structures that honor the group, where the individual is not alone and is a part of a network.
Self-Interest rules in today's world because of our drive for independence. Independence is the refuting of connection between ourselves and others. It serves as an excuse to ignore the suffering and plight of others, to justify doing things that benefit ourselves at others expense. Independence is used in such a way that mimics fears about social Darwinism. Social Darwinism can be used to justify atrocities against others by dictating what their natural place is. It serves as a reason to turn a blind eye towards the homeless because it conjures up an excuse - that they evolved to be homeless and are a part of the social ecosystem as such. Independence suffers from the same folly in today's world.
Because of this, society has mandated laws that force the connections that we burn away. Yet the laws can only force the responsibility, and those laws are not case-sensitive. Laws reflect a more traditional normative on what is responsible behavior, regardless of the affected individuals views on the topic. In it's own way, laws serve to replace interdependent culture, by replacing the now missing responsibilities we used to hold to each other. Because of this, society is able to hold together and we can hold on to our delusions that independence is the penultimate achievement of the human condition. Through that hegemonic normative structure, we advantage self-interest, by creating structures, laws, beliefs and ideologies that advantage self-interest.
So, when society advantages self-interest, then what happens to the individual, or even the community's, ethical distinctions? Could it be that ethics takes the form of self-interest? That people begin to define their ethical parameters based on self-interest? I would argue yes. Consider how easy it is to relate to self-interest. It's easy to understand the reasons why someone would argue for a pay raise, especially in a recession. How is that anything but self-interest? We, as a society avoid making 'hard' choices because hard choices aren't self-interested choices.
What does that say about the ethical foundation of independence then? Oh sure people will talk about an ethic of compassion, of what is the most beneficial for the most people, etc etc. How often do people stick with it when their self-interest is threatened? Would you quit your job if it would save two others from loosing theirs?
More importantly, what does that say of those who choose to stand outside of the ethical norm of self-interest, those who live in active defiance of valuing their interests over others. We are punished, as the structures that exist are based on the self-interest norm, laws and social patterns are based on what is of personal benefit. Consider in my case with my divorce: I had the, proverbial, ammunition to cripple my ex, I could have gotten my daughter back and crippled her with support payments for the next 18 years. To do it I would have had to lie, and drudge up things out of context, and hurt one of my friends in the process. It was all possible, and it was the sensible thing to do, the legally viable thing to do. Society would have congratulated me for it, the legal system encouraged it.
Instead, since my ethics are not dictated by self-interest I took a different route, one of vulnerability. I showed trust and compassion. I had faith. Yet the system is what it is, and my ex decided on a self-interested path. She took my daughter from me and indentured me to her. I was punished for having an ethic that wasn't self-interest. I was socially chastised for taking the 'easy way', which I would argue any day about the 'ease' of my choice. Stories like mine are hardly uncommon in today's world. It's reflective of the punishment that individuals suffer when they aren't self-interested.
In a larger sense, however, it's appropriate. Those, like myself, that truly live beyond self-interest, welcome life's challenges. We aren't just looking for comfort and some illusion of security, we are looking for something beyond what we are told is right. In my case, I am looking for justice (hence my exploration of it). That I am not challenge-adverse is almost a metaphorical invitation for society to throw it's challenges at me. And boy how it does. Being polyamorous isn't enough, I also have to live my life from a different ethical standard too (-: In a way, though, these challenges have tested, tried, and molded me into a validation of my ethical disposition. I am not a self-interested individual, I have shown that through my actions, not just my words. My character is validated through the trials of my life.
It's not much, personal validation counts for little, but in a world that tries to disown you because you believe in different things than others do, it will have to suffice.
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